[What is A Travel Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse? Click here to find out.]Location: Small city mall, Nowhereville, USA
Rating:
What happens when a small city's already bad economy is affected by an entire nation's recession?
The answer is this: The local mall that once only kind of sucked, now really sucks. "Town Square Mall" (the names have been changed to protect me from a lawsuit) once had a center court that was dedicated to the mall rat. Not only did it have a cinema, but also two - that's right, two - Chinese take-aways, two fast food chains, a pizza place, a sub shop, a pretzel chain in two locations, and a sit down family restaurant.
Now, due to bad and greedy management, coupled with the bad economy, all you have left is the two Chinese take-aways, the pretzel places, the pizza joint, and the family style restaurant (which is always out of what you want to order). However, they have replaced all of the mall rats' faves with six - yes, I said six - jewelry stores. What are you suppose to kill zombies with - a stupid diamond ring? Or maybe you can survive on the gold neck chains.
I suppose it doesn't matter, because if you find yourself stuck in this mall for too long you'll be zombie chow anyway.
With that said, let us look at this location from a survival standpoint, and why I even rated it 1 brain.
First of all, there is a department store with tools, chainsaws, and an automotive department. This means there are usable tools with which to make the things you need to survive and to help rebuild once the zombie apocalypse is over: chainsaws and torches to defend yourself with; an auto section with possible vehicles, petrol, used and new oil to make torches or for other flammable uses, parts to fix your current vehicle and tools which can be made into weapons; an electronics section for portable radios, phones, and - hey - pick up a camcorder to record the zombie apocalypse for posterity.
Secondly, there is a very large sporting goods store, which means that there are helmets, knee, arm, and chest pads, catchers masks, and other equipment to suitably make yourself some personal armour; bikes for a quiet getaway; bows and arrows, and, if you are mechanically inclined, paintball guns that I am sure can be rigged to use as proper guns; and last, but certainly not least, baseball bats.
There you go: two usable stores located in the mall for quick gear if you are stuck and desperate.
I wouldn't recommend staying for the long haul. Unlike zombie movies that make it seem like the mall is the perfect hideout, it is not. There are too many ways in and out.
My recommendation is this: Whether you are in a group or alone, this is a quick stop for some tools and supplies. IF - and this is a big "if," future zombie slayers - IF the place isn't swarming with zombies and you have a clear cut plan on how to get in and get out fast, it might even be safe enough to hang around for a couple of days, tops. If you are very desperate, look for an empty storefront. Most of these crappy, small malls have at the very least one empty storefront. Just remember, only use this location if you are sure you can get in and get out, for quick stock-ups, or really, really short stays.
Oh, one more thing: If you find that the zombie apocalypse begins when you are in one of these small crappy malls... RUN... RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND GET OUT. DO NOT PASS GO AND DO NOT COLLECT $200.
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